New Things.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this or not, but the guy I’m seeing is a bartender.  I’m going to go ahead and start using his first name (Nate), because it’s difficult to not refer to him by it when I’m writing.  He was on a trip last week and is going camping this weekend, so he works every day this week until he leaves.  He texted me last night and asked if I would come hang out with him at work.  I had already had a few glasses of wine at home, and when I got there, one of his friends was there, and she’s really fun.  I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this or not, either (I’m losing track of what I’ve posted here), but he told me once that she usually hates all of the girls he dates and she can be a bitch, but she loves me, and he was surprised.  Anyway, I spent the night talking with her and the other regulars who were there, and him of course.  I ended up getting shots and free drinks, and I ended up pretty drunk.  At bar close, he asked if I wanted to hang out, so he gave me his house keys, and I went to wait for him.  When he got home, we played Yahtzee (which I’d never played before).  He’s obviously stone-cold sober because he was working, and he thought it was really funny how drunk I was because he’s never seen me like that.  I wasn’t too crazy or anything, but I couldn’t add my numbers up for shit, ha.  The more I think about that, though, the happier it makes me.  Usually when I’m seeing a guy, I feel like all we do is drink and get drunk, and as bad as it sounds, I have a hard time recalling important conversations because they’re clouded by alcohol.  Nate and I never drink together.  We have sex all the time, but I’ve never regretted it, because I was in the right state of mind to make that decision.  I’ve always known that refraining from drinking would actually build a better relationship, but I’ve never really cared about that a whole lot.  I was more in the mindset of having fun and doing what I wanted all of the time, and yeah, I’d like to have drunk sex with him, but I also like having someone that I can play Yahtzee with.  I stayed over there twice last week and then last night, which has been nice.

He invited me to go on the aforementioned camping trip with a bunch of his friends this weekend, but unfortunately I have plans with my family.  I’m sad that I can’t go, but I’m glad to be invited!

I know at some point I need to have a “where is this going?” conversation, but I’m in no rush.  One of my friends has told me that I should do it sooner rather than later, and I know that, but I guess I’m okay with not putting a label on anything for now.  He likes me and spending time with me.  I’m pretty content with that.  When we first started talking, he asked what I was looking for and we seemed on the same page with the relationship thing.  He also makes comments about future plans, and “if I meet your family…” that make me think he’s still in that frame of mind.  Again, I know I need to have the conversation… but it’s awkward! 😛

I’m really happy to have somewhere I can write about this.  I feel like I talk to my friends about him all of the time, and I worry that I annoy them with it.  I sometimes feel like I am constantly over-analyzing the whole thing, and I feel crazy.  I sometimes need validation that it’s normal to feel this way.  And the amount of time that I spend talking about it is only a fraction of the time I spend thinking about it.  I guess I’m just saying that having an outlet is nice.

Until next time.

In Deep.

I’ve sucked at updating lately, but I’ve been busy! Camping, fishing, mini road trips, and enjoying the short bursts of sunny weather we’ve had.

I deleted my Tinder today. I haven’t ever met anyone off of it anyway. I was sick of the pointless, dead end conversations and the creeps looking for a lay. I had been holding out hope that I’d meet someone cool, like a couple of my friends have, but I’m still seeing the guy from before, and it’s awesome.

I am in deep, and I’ll totally admit it. There are so many things I like about him. We have been talking every day and we hang out often.

Yesterday, we went fishing. It was windy, but warm out, and once we had casted our lines, we sat and talked. At points there were times of comfortable silence and I was sitting looking out at the water, and I felt so damn appreciative for where I was and who I was with.

Like I said, I’m in deep. I don’t know how all of this will end up. It’s scary as hell, but I’m not half assing it.

And I love how that feels.