Square One.

I feel like I got hit by a train.
I asked what we were. He said it’s casual, and he still thinks about his ex (from 5 years ago) daily. Basically worst case scenario. I can’t believe I misjudged the situation so badly. I can’t believe how one-sided my feelings were. I guess it’s better to know now.
I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a really long time, and I’m really hurting right now.

Here We Go Again.

I’m going to assume me and the guy I was seeing are done. I say assume because I’ve basically been left in the dark here. Again.

We are all of a sudden not talking or hanging out. A week ago Tuesday, we’d been talking and he said he wanted to hang out sometime during the week… then I hear nothing. Like I mentioned in my last post, I saw him very briefly on Saturday, and that didn’t go well. I tried texting him Sunday. I asked if I’d done anything to upset him; he said no. I then said something along the lines of, “If it’s a case of you needing space, that’s cool, just please be honest with me. Not trying to make assumptions, but that’s what it seems like.” He responded to that saying how that wasn’t the case at all. He’s just taking things day by day and he loves hanging out with me. Radio silence since then.

So fuck it. I’m done. I am not his backup plan that’ll just wait around to jump into his bed when he gets lonely. I honestly don’t think it has anything to do with his ex. I think he is confused. I just wish he would have really thought things through before he got me caught up in all of this for the second time. I contemplated for so long if I should even bother with this situation again. I usually am very steadfast with my decisions, but I was convinced I should give him another shot. And here I am.

But you know what? I’ll never wonder about what might’ve happened with us. I didn’t half-ass it. I opened myself up and allowed myself to be vulnerable for the first time in a long time. There’s something to be said for that. It just fucking sucks that it didn’t work out, because I really liked him. I invested myself more than he did and in the end, the person more invested is the one who gets hurt.

And I really, really, really wish he would be honest with me. He has obviously made his decision, and I deserve to hear that from him.