After my visit with Nate last week, I was pretty distraught. I thought it was completely over, and although it hasn’t been that long that we’ve been seeing each other, it felt like a break-up. I distanced myself. He reached out to me more than usual, and I felt anxious. I felt like I had to decide if I would end things or let them continue. I ended up deciding to have another conversation to gain clarity. I figured worst case scenario, I’d never see him again, but that was my alternative anyway.
We went to a movie and dinner last night. I eventually got my nerve to ask about the casual thing. I said something along the lines of, “I’ve been thinking about what you asked me about whether I want to be casual and trying to decide if that’s something I want, but I really don’t know what that means. What does it mean to you?” He said he’d been stewing about that conversation all week (which made me happy to hear). He said basically he doesn’t know what he wants, not just with us, but with life in general and he doesn’t want to make any promises he can’t keep. He said he wanted to be casual for now, and take time to see where this goes. I asked if he wanted to see other people or if he has been. He said no. I told him that if that were ever the case, to please let me know, because I’d be really sad if that was happening. He said he’d always be honest, and he always has been.
Then, I brought up the ex thing. I asked if he was waiting for her to become available and then we’d be done. He said no, he doesn’t trust her at all, and he’d never be with her again; he just thinks it’s weird that he still thinks of her. Not exactly super clear, and it could be just words, but at least it’s some clarification.
I had a lot of questions, and I feel like I got some answers. I’d like to think that he considered the idea that this could have been over, and didn’t want to see that happen.
I stayed over at his place last night. We had a lot of fun, and spent time just listening to music and talking. His parents were coming over this morning to help with some landscaping work, so I asked what time I should head out. He said whenever, and then said I could stay and meet his parents. He started telling me more about them. I ultimately left before they got there, because if I ever do meet his parents, it’s not going to be with morning after sex hair, ha.
I am cautiously optimistic. I’m glad we can at least communicate and be open with one another. I am going to be careful about this, but I figure I haven’t liked anyone this much in a long time, and I should see what happens with it.
I am not saying this will for sure go anywhere, but I’m not ready to give up on it yet.
The Beautiful In Between 